University administrators offer advice to parents
Staying safe at Stanford
I hope parents tell their kids that, even though Stanford is a safe place,
they need to take proactive steps to ensure their own safety and security:
don’t leave your laptop unattended; don’t leave your doors and windows
unlocked; travel with a friend; use the recommended travel routes; do
not let people you do not know into your dorm. Have a plan for what you
will do in an emergency (including a natural disaster) and have a personal
notification plan. And, if you see suspicious activity, call the police
immediately. I know these concepts are all very basic, but many people
do not follow them. And parents need to talk to their adult children
about the relationship between alcohol and sex. It is critical that individuals
be absolutely certain that the person with whom they intend to become
intimate is physically and mentally capable of giving consent (i.e. not
intoxicated). Doing so will minimize the chance of miscommunication,
hurt feelings, regret, allegations of criminal behavior and actual criminal
misconduct. Discussing this issue with your child can be uncomfortable,
but it is a very real issue on college campuses.
Laura Wilson, chief, Stanford Department of Public Safety, Parents’
Newsletter,
Winter 2008
Emergencies at Stanford
An emergency, small or major, can occur any time. We recommend parents
reinforce with their children prior to coming to campus the need to be
prepared no matter where an emergency occurs. There are procedures we
recommend, particularly because we are in an earthquake-sensitive region.
After an earthquake, for instance, it is hard to contact people because
communication is often greatly reduced. Students and parents should have
alternative procedure in place to get information to one another if necessary.
We recommend that students have a basic emergency kit available to them.
Every student who is personally prepared is one less student who could
become victimized by an emergency should one occur.
Keith Perry, manager of training, communication and emergency management,
Parents’ Newsletter, 2007
Student mental and emotional health
Parents should know how important they continue to be in the lives of their
students. Students may be fighting for independence and challenging their
parents to be more on their own. Despite all these challenges and rejections,
parents are critically important, and students recognize this. The fact
that the students are here does not mean that the role parents play is
any less significant. It is different. You can’t control what they do,
but they still need validation and love. And they need to know that they
can fail and be loved. This may seem obvious, but students want to show
parents they can succeed and make them proud. That can be a source of
strength, but it also can be punishing when they don’t feel they can
meet the standards set by parents. Grown children still need their parents,
just in a different way. It’s the difference between when we used to
drive our children everywhere. There comes a time when they drive, and
we sit next to them. Eventually, they drive on their own.
Alejandro Martinez, senior associate director, Counseling and Psychological
Services, Parents’ Newsletter, 2007
Federal privacy laws
The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) is restrictive and
complex. Yet parents feel that they have a right to information about
their son and daughter. FERPA controls and regulates that. There are
some ways information may be given to parents, but it is controlled.
It gets complicated with blended families, divorce decrees, tax exemptions
that are adjudicated and so on. Each point of contact can be full of
angst, especially if a student is not doing well. Our kids today are
very close to their parents. I know this from experience with my own
son. My memory of college was that the only time we called home was when
we ran out of money. It’s different now. I don’t think in 1974, when
the regulations were promulgated, that legislators could imagine today.
Administrators may have great empathy for parents, but they have to obey
the law. On the other hand, it has weaned some parents away. For some,
that is not a bad thing. The law says the information belongs to the
student, and the relationship they have to their parents in regards to
that information is on their terms.
Tom Black, University Registrar, Parents’
Newsletter, Winter 2008
Helping students adjust to Introduction to the Humanities
They should listen sympathetically. (My daughter just graduated from college.)
Then guide them to think about what resources are available here. Sometimes
this may be less about an IHUM problem, and more about challenges the
students faces with time management or balancing priorities. How many
other things is that student doing? Knowledge is more than just the classes,
but the classes are surely an important part of college. I’d have a conversation
about how he or she is balancing activities, and what choices are being
made. The workload in IHUM is not onerous. The writing is not extensive
at all. Any parents who work themselves have probably written more than
their students in any given week. IHUM presents students with important
ideas, but it also gives them the opportunity to develop skills that—I
know parents are concerned about this—are important in any future career:
how to write, how to read for complex interpretations, how to pick up
on subtleties and how to participate productively in discussion and debate.
Russell Berman, the Walter A. Haas Professor in the Humanities and director
of Introduction to the Humanities, Parents’
Newsletter, Fall 2008
Encouraging students to academically explore
Parents are Stanford’s partners. The time we commit to helping you become
informed about policies and services in turn enhances your children’s
educational experiences. We look to you, especially, to encourage your
children to pursue a wide range of subjects and experiences. Never again
will they be around this many smart and interesting people. If they do
not intellectually explore now, they may never have the chance again.
It is important that you help them become independent adults. Let them
pursue whatever intellectual passions most stir their imagination. Help
them through experiences they choose to label as failures or mistakes,
even if they are not. Many of them are encountering their intellectual
equals for the first time. They need to know their best effort is all
we expect.
John Etchemendy, Provost, Parents’ Guide 2008
Studying overseas
There are many exciting opportunities at Stanford, but overseas study is
one students should not miss. Encourage them. I have a nephew at Stanford
who is pre-med. He was worried about requirements for his major and all
the things he felt he needed to do to apply to medical school. I said,
“Go abroad. When will you have the chance again? You’ll get into and
go to medical school, do an internship, be a resident, become a doctor—and
the next time you get a chance to breathe, you’ll be 55.” He applied
to Santiago, got in and went. The next thing I heard, he decided to stay
a second quarter. He worked at a hospital clinic there, and he came back
realizing that this experience, including his vastly improved Spanish,
helped his medical school applications. So—to our parents: don’t let
your students get so worried about the future that they don’t see the
larger world around them.
Norman Naimark, the Robert and Florence McDonnell Professor of Eastern
European Studies and Burke Family Director of the Bing Overseas Studies Program,
Parents’ Newsletter, Spring 2008
Helping students stay healthy
When we ask students who their heroes are they almost always say their
mom or dad. Parents are the most important presence in students’ lives.
Parents can help their children seek balance, personal happiness and
harmony by staying in close communication. Resist the temptation to criticize
or always ask about academic performance. Instead, try asking about their
most exciting classes, what they learned that week or what they are doing
to relax and have fun. Those are the powerful questions that can strengthen
your relationship with your frosh and also help him or her become a healthy,
creative and fulfilled individual.
Dr. Ira Friedman, director of Vaden Health Center, Parents’
Newsletter,
Fall 2005
Talking about alcohol
Parents are important partners in our educational efforts. I encourage
parents, if they have not done so already, to have a candid discussion
about alcohol use with their children. Parents can encourage their children
to reflect about the role of alcohol in their lives and to promote personal
safety and concern for others.
Dr. Ira Friedman, director of Vaden Health Center, Parents’
Newsletter, Winter 2005
Health insurance
Health insurance is vitally important, and of course Stanford requires
it. But, students are entering the age group with the highest rate of
uninsured. Parents should discuss health care with students so that when
they hit the “real world,” they are not overwhelmed by the complexities
of getting health care and health insurance.
Dr. Ira Friedman, director of Vaden Health Center, Parents’
Newsletter,
Summer 2004
Helping students take charge of their lives
Trust in the job you have done raising them and know that they are developing
into independent adults who can and must take charge of their own lives.
Encourage them to make use of the opportunities and resources available
on campus. Let them know how much you love them.
Julie Lythcott-Haims, Dean of Freshmen, Parents’ Guide 2008
Managing finances
I think this is an important time for students to start understanding their
finances. The interaction students have with university staff can be
a forgiving time in terms of financial matters, which makes it ideal
for learning from mistakes as well as successes. When students leave
Stanford, they rely on lessons they learned here. While financial responsibility
is not the primary focus of the education here at Stanford, it is an
important lesson that can be learned during the undergraduate experience.
I encourage parents to let students take the lead in managing their finances
but to be there to help them when necessary. Students will be more prepared
for the world when they graduate, not only from an academic or professional
point of view. They also will be better prepared to manage their finances.
Allison Baird-James, associate controller, Parents’
Newsletter, Fall 2003
Living in the residences
Stanford has a long tradition of offering a living/learning residential
education with many different options. I’d encourage parents to urge
their sons and daughters to experience as much of this range of choices
as possible. I would say, “Take advantage of meeting people who are different
from you. Try a different residence program every year for the experience.”
Parents should be assured that, if there is any problem, we have an extensive
safety net of support for students. Communities are very strong in every
housing complex, and we hope all students participate and get the most
from them.
Rodger Whitney, executive director of Stanford Housing, Parents’
Newsletter,
Fall 2008
