Stanford Parents' Guide

University administrators offer advice to parents

Staying safe at Stanford

I hope parents tell their kids that, even though Stanford is a safe place, they need to take proactive steps to ensure their own safety and security: don’t leave your laptop unattended; don’t leave your doors and windows unlocked; travel with a friend; use the recommended travel routes; do not let people you do not know into your dorm. Have a plan for what you will do in an emergency (including a natural disaster) and have a personal notification plan. And, if you see suspicious activity, call the police immediately. I know these concepts are all very basic, but many people do not follow them. And parents need to talk to their adult children about the relationship between alcohol and sex. It is critical that individuals be absolutely certain that the person with whom they intend to become intimate is physically and mentally capable of giving consent (i.e. not intoxicated). Doing so will minimize the chance of miscommunication, hurt feelings, regret, allegations of criminal behavior and actual criminal misconduct. Discussing this issue with your child can be uncomfortable, but it is a very real issue on college campuses.
Laura Wilson, chief, Stanford Department of Public Safety, Parents’ Newsletter, Winter 2008

Emergencies at Stanford

An emergency, small or major, can occur any time. We recommend parents reinforce with their children prior to coming to campus the need to be prepared no matter where an emergency occurs. There are procedures we recommend, particularly because we are in an earthquake-sensitive region. After an earthquake, for instance, it is hard to contact people because communication is often greatly reduced. Students and parents should have alternative procedure in place to get information to one another if necessary. We recommend that students have a basic emergency kit available to them. Every student who is personally prepared is one less student who could become victimized by an emergency should one occur.
Keith Perry, manager of training, communication and emergency management, Parents’ Newsletter, 2007

Combatting risky drinking

Parent can be partners with us to set positive and constructive norms around alcohol. This generation of students looks to their parents for guidance and respects their views. Research shows that parents can make a difference in reducing high-risk drinking by engaging in honest and frank conversations about alcohol with their sons and daughters.

Ralph Castro, associate dean of student affairs, Parents' Newsletter, 2011

Student mental and emotional health

Parents should know how important they continue to be in the lives of their students. Students may be fighting for independence and challenging their parents to be more on their own. Despite all these challenges and rejections, parents are critically important, and students recognize this. The fact that the students are here does not mean that the role parents play is any less significant. It is different. You can’t control what they do, but they still need validation and love. And they need to know that they can fail and be loved. This may seem obvious, but students want to show parents they can succeed and make them proud. That can be a source of strength, but it also can be punishing when they don’t feel they can meet the standards set by parents. Grown children still need their parents, just in a different way. It’s the difference between when we used to drive our children everywhere. There comes a time when they drive, and we sit next to them. Eventually, they drive on their own.
Alejandro Martinez, senior associate director, Counseling and Psychological Services, Parents’ Newsletter, 2007

Federal privacy laws

The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) is restrictive and complex. Yet parents feel that they have a right to information about their son and daughter. FERPA controls and regulates that. There are some ways information may be given to parents, but it is controlled. It gets complicated with blended families, divorce decrees, tax exemptions that are adjudicated and so on. Each point of contact can be full of angst, especially if a student is not doing well. Our kids today are very close to their parents. I know this from experience with my own son. My memory of college was that the only time we called home was when we ran out of money. It’s different now. I don’t think in 1974, when the regulations were promulgated, that legislators could imagine today. Administrators may have great empathy for parents, but they have to obey the law. On the other hand, it has weaned some parents away. For some, that is not a bad thing. The law says the information belongs to the student, and the relationship they have to their parents in regards to that information is on their terms.
Tom Black, University Registrar, Parents’ Newsletter, Winter 2008

Encouraging students to academically explore

Parents are Stanford’s partners. The time we commit to helping you become informed about policies and services in turn enhances your children’s educational experiences. We look to you, especially, to encourage your children to pursue a wide range of subjects and experiences. Never again will they be around this many smart and interesting people. If they do not intellectually explore now, they may never have the chance again. It is important that you help them become independent adults. Let them pursue whatever intellectual passions most stir their imagination. Help them through experiences they choose to label as failures or mistakes, even if they are not. Many of them are encountering their intellectual equals for the first time. They need to know their best effort is all we expect.
John Etchemendy, Provost, Parents’ Guide 2008

Studying overseas

There are many exciting opportunities at Stanford, but overseas study is one students should not miss. Encourage them. I have a nephew at Stanford who is pre-med. He was worried about requirements for his major and all the things he felt he needed to do to apply to medical school. I said, “Go abroad. When will you have the chance again? You’ll get into and go to medical school, do an internship, be a resident, become a doctor—and the next time you get a chance to breathe, you’ll be 55.” He applied to Santiago, got in and went. The next thing I heard, he decided to stay a second quarter. He worked at a hospital clinic there, and he came back realizing that this experience, including his vastly improved Spanish, helped his medical school applications. So—to our parents: don’t let your students get so worried about the future that they don’t see the larger world around them.
Norman Naimark, the Robert and Florence McDonnell Professor of Eastern European Studies and former Burke Family Director of the Bing Overseas Studies Program, Parents’ Newsletter, Spring 2008

Helping students stay healthy

When we ask students who their heroes are they almost always say their mom or dad. Parents are the most important presence in students’ lives. Parents can help their children seek balance, personal happiness and harmony by staying in close communication. Resist the temptation to criticize or always ask about academic performance. Instead, try asking about their most exciting classes, what they learned that week or what they are doing to relax and have fun. Those are the powerful questions that can strengthen your relationship with your frosh and also help him or her become a healthy, creative and fulfilled individual.
Dr. Ira Friedman, director of Vaden Health Center, Parents’ Newsletter, Fall 2005

Helping students take charge of their lives

Trust in the job you have done raising them and know that they are developing into independent adults who can and must take charge of their own lives. Encourage them to make use of the opportunities and resources available on campus. Let them know how much you love them.
Julie Lythcott-Haims, associate vice provost for undergraduate education and dean of freshmen and Undergraduating Advising and Research, Parents’ Guide 2008

Living in the residences

Stanford has a long tradition of offering a living/learning residential education with many different options. I’d encourage parents to urge their sons and daughters to experience as much of this range of choices as possible. I would say, “Take advantage of meeting people who are different from you. Try a different residence program every year for the experience.” Parents should be assured that, if there is any problem, we have an extensive safety net of support for students. Communities are very strong in every housing complex, and we hope all students participate and get the most from them.
Rodger Whitney, executive director of Stanford Housing, Parents’ Newsletter, Fall 2008

Last updated March 13, 2012